This is my personal thoughts, opinions and musings place. I will also rant about things, especially politically-correct things that irritate me. And sci-fi. Did I mention sci-fi? There'll be lots of sci-fi stuff here. And movies, too. Mmmmm... Movies

Monday, May 16, 2005

Of controlling freaks, or Oh My God!

I discovered something nasty and otherworldly about myself in the last couple of weeks: I'm a controlling freak.

The realization didn't come easy for me. I consulted numerous religious texts and have spoken with countless self-help gurus and other such snake-oil salesmen. They all agreed, virtually without exception that I am, in fact, a Controlling Freakth. It wasn't easy for me to accept this bit of knowledge, and now that I have, I'm not entirely sure my life will be any better. Is coming out of the control-freak closet the same as coming out of the alcholic closet? If you admit you have a problem, does it make it easier to solve it? I don't know. The religious texts had nothing to say on the subject other than to claim there's a 43% chance I'm going to hell, and self-help snake-oil salesmen all agree I need their product to improve myself; they don't agree on exactly which product I need.

So, where to begin? How did I come up with this piece of self-flaggelation of the soul? Well, it was a couple of incidents that proved it me, incidents that were pretty much identical which is how I notice them. In transitioning my work to another country, I caught myself demanding that they do things exactly the same I do them. If I start something, I check its status on a regular basis until it succeeds or fails. If something I start receives an error message, I investigate it myself. After a few of these incidents, I said to myself, “Self, you're a controlling freak! Stop it!” It's hard, though.

One can lead people to a job, but one can't make them work it. That's the unfortunate part of all of this. I'm getting help; I figure a dozen or so lap-dances should be able to cure me of this obsession with control. And if not, I can always have a freak-out.

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