This is my personal thoughts, opinions and musings place. I will also rant about things, especially politically-correct things that irritate me. And sci-fi. Did I mention sci-fi? There'll be lots of sci-fi stuff here. And movies, too. Mmmmm... Movies

Thursday, April 21, 2005

Little Johnny jokes

One day, the teacher said to the class, “I'm going to call out a letter, and I want you to think of a word that begins with that letter and then use that word correctly in a sentence. So, we'll start with the letter A.”

Little Suzie raised her hand and said, “I brought an apple for lunch.”

“Very good,” said the teacher. “Now, the letter B.”

Little Billy raised his hand and said, “There is a bee on my desk.”

“That's good, Billy,” said the teacher.

And so this kept going like that until the teacher reached the letter R, but nobody could think of a word that began with R, except little Johnny who had his hand raised and begging to answer. But the teacher was afraid, because she knew little Johnny had a potty mouth. But no other kid wanted to answer, so she reluctantly told little Johnny to go ahead.

“There's a rat in my house,“ said little Johnny and the teacher sighed with relief. “A big fucking rat,” added little Johnny.

One day, the teacher asked her students to tell a story with a moral behind it.

Little Angie said, “My father invested all his savings into one company and when it went bankrupt, he lost everything.“

“That's a sad story,” said the teacher. “What's the moral behind it?”

“Don't put all your eggs in one basket,” concluded little Angie.

Then it was little Danny's turn. “My parents thought they'd won the lottery, so they went out and bought a big house and an expensive car, but the lottery turned out to be fake, and they had give it all up and declare bankruptcy.”

“That's terrible,” said the teacher, “but what's the moral there?”

“Don't count your chickens until the hatch,” replied little Danny.

And so it went around the class until the teacher finally reached little Johnny, whom she fearfully asked to relate his story. “Well,” he began, “my Uncle Buck was in Vietnam. One day, the plane he was flying on was shot down and he had to jump out. All he had with him was a case of beer, a gun and a machette. He drank the beer on the way down. When he hit the ground, he was surround by fifteen enemy soldiers. He shot the first five with his gun. He killed the next five with his machette, but then it broke. And he killed the last five with his bare hands!”

“That's a horrible story!” exclaimed the teacher. “What could possibly be the moral behind it?”

“Don't fuck with Uncle Buck when he's been drinking!” explained little Johnny.

One day, the teacher asked her students to put something on the board and explain it.

So, little Suzie went up to the front of the class and drew a house. “This our house, and my mother keeps it nice and neat. I love my house.”

Then, little Billy went up and drew a plane. “We flew on this plane for our vacation to Disney World. I love flying!”

Finally, little Johnny went up to board and drew a single dot.

“What's that?” asked the teacher when he just stopped and stared at it.

“Beats the hell out of me,” little Johnny replied, “but when my sister came home and told my parents she missed her period, my mother fainted and my father went to the neighbours' house with his rifle.”


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