This is my personal thoughts, opinions and musings place. I will also rant about things, especially politically-correct things that irritate me. And sci-fi. Did I mention sci-fi? There'll be lots of sci-fi stuff here. And movies, too. Mmmmm... Movies

Sunday, March 06, 2005

Of crazy villains and their minions

Having seen years worth of action movies, a thought began to percolate through that squishy mound of grey matter I lovingly call my “brain”. And that thought has to do with the minions of the crazy villains that infest so many of the action flicks of yesteryear and continue to do so today.

Let's look at small terrorist groups, such as those seen in the Die Hard movies. In every one of those movies, there was a small terrorist group, consisting mainly of highly specialialized experts. You had your computer guys, explosives guys, assault group leaders, pilot guys and the like. Each brought a specific skill, and all were brought together through some sort of ideology, be it money or politics, it matters little. Because of their skills, each was there to do a specific job. Killing wasn't all they did, though they certainly may have been good at it. And quite often they put up a pretense of ideology(hate-America-love-Commies is a common thread), though that was just a smoke-screen for what they were really after, which was simply money.

In the first XXX movie, the crazy former Red Army dudes were brought together by the feeling of being let down by their former governments, of having suffered and fought all those years for nothing. They were crazy, but at least you can understand their feelings.

OK, so now let's discuss the crazy villains' minions. You see a lot of them in James Bond and Blade movies, though they're certainly not the only ones to make use of them. Let's look at them.

I've often wondered where the crazy villains like Blofeld found themselves whole armies of men absolutely willing to die for him. I can understand the few men and women closest to him, they may share his ideology or do it for love or whatever. I even understand the scientists involved; sure, here's your chance to build a new technology that nobody else will let you build. Or, for example, Drax, from Moonraker. Now, I can see where he could find a whole pile of people to help him with his plans because he was going to start a new master race with them; that sort of thing seems to appeal to certain kinds of people, I suppose. Not so unique a proposition as some people might think. But, come on, what made them think he wouldn't prune some of them, just like he was going to do to the rest of the human race?

Are these people mercenaries? One of the soldier dudes from the original Blade said as much just before Blade shot him. “I only work for them!” he said. Well, maybe you should've picked better employers. If they are mercenaries, why are they willing to suffer such casualties? There are easier ways to make money, even in the same profession. In Blade 2, they just stand there and shoot oodles of bullets, hitting virtually nothing, and then they stand there and take it as first Nomak, then Blade himself, absolutely slaughter them. They even try their hand at hand to hand combat against both of them, and get nowhere, other than dead. This is especially surprising in view of the fact that none of their employers even remotely care for their casualties.

So, where do these crazy villains get their minions? Hell, in Austin Powers 3, they even made fun of that. Nigel Powers: “Do you know who I am? Do you know how many anonymous henchmen I've killed?”

Can someone, anyone, satisfy my thirst for knowledge? Can someone, anyone, make this “thinking” thing stop?


At Sun Mar 06, 07:48:00 PM AST, Blogger Miranda said...

What about the 'force the men of the village to work for the villain by threatening to kill all the women and children' plot device?

At Sun Mar 06, 08:01:00 PM AST, Blogger The Mad Perseid said...

Oh, that I have no trouble with. You know, you're evil and you want some free slave labour, so you force the men to work for you. It helps if they are very primitive, and you can get them to worship you, a la Stargate: SG1.

You have to be careful, though. You never know when some new element will get added, and your free slave labour will turn on you.

But it's still not as difficult a proposition for me to swallow as mercenary forces willing to commit mass suicide for your cause, a cause that's by that time, quite lost.

At Sun Mar 06, 10:02:00 PM AST, Anonymous Promogal said...

I can't promise to make the *thinking* thing stop, but I CAN point aspiring evil minions in the right direction:-

The Evil Henchman's Guide

At Sun Mar 06, 10:21:00 PM AST, Blogger The Mad Perseid said...

Hey, that's excellent! That's even better than the Evil Overlord's Guide. Do you happen to know where that is?

At Mon Mar 07, 07:12:00 PM AST, Anonymous Realmspace said...

How about the Evil Henchmens Survival Guide?

Or the Innocent Bystander's Survival Guide

At Mon Mar 07, 11:00:00 PM AST, Blogger The Mad Perseid said...

I will gather all these writings into a single, unified whole. I will call if, "The Evil Powers Handbook". It will be a collection of philosophical discourse on gaining the world, and more importantly, keeping it.

At Sun Nov 22, 10:58:00 AM AST, Anonymous Anonymous said...

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